Luxury Consciousness, Time Travel, Divine Love, & Performative Kink
Witnessing vs. Containing
I recently experienced loss of a connection after reaching a point of criticality. The void, grief, and pain are still present while I write this almost 30 days later. This loss and its lessons are what inspired the domino effect of ideas that make this blog post.
As a woman, you hear a lot about love, romance, how to have it, how to reject it, how to protect yourself, how to manipulate energy to harm others, how to love yourself, how to put yourself first, how not to act, what is true feminism, what is not true feminism, misandry content, pick-me content, decentering men content, how men will always be our apex predator, etc.
At the core, our desire is to looking for something to hold us. In other words, we are always looking for a container. We have the wisdom of this subconsciously, but don’t seek it out in the 3D.
What is a witness?
Before getting into the what, let’s get into the why by picking your brain’s natural wisdom that is evolutionarily wired for survival.
Continuity. We deeply crave stabilization of our self-concept, and considering how our society externalizes every aspect of reality, it’s no surprise that we hunt for partners so that we can placate our egos. It’s also why we may settle for staying in decade-long friendships that we outgrow just to feel like all those points of us in 10 years actually existed.
Back to witnessing.
Because I wasn’t accustomed to someone seeing me in the language and modality I wanted to be seen in my whole life, I was starry-eyed. This human being truly knew how to embody masculine presence, to an extent albeit, but was truly embodied nonetheless. The compliments were focused on my mind, my heart, my passion, my goals, the way I represent wealth and being rich while I’m still hustling through my own work, and being told things like “I want you to be a millionaire more than I want myself to be one” or “Believing in you is like betting on your favorite sports team you know is going to win” changes you at a cellular level. The embodied intelligence he displayed changed my mind on how depth manifests. Yes, there can be depth in conversation, but talking is not the only form of articulating consciousness. The body talks, too. His ability to move between witnessing, talking, and physical holding reframed my understanding of communication to a much healthier place, one where I could finally imagine divine union being an opportunity to create new worlds with new rules.
Containing.
For reasons I won’t get into, we had to part ways, and I found a limitation within myself (remember, reality is inside out) so even if he demonstrated the limitation in the 3D, it was up to me to know where I magnetized limitation from my consciousness.
First, let’s define a general relational container and then apply it to romance.
Container: (human form) a person who can hold space and expand to meet the edges of expression and emotion without impulsively reacting or collapsing while holding healthy boundaries (not gender-locked).
How a container shows up romantically: embodied presence which looks like focused eye contact while speaking, sensuality (NOT sexualizing) with the body’s intelligence, metabolizing consequences and/or information without being reactionary (as the default mode), regulated, patient, and listening.
Witnessing was new. Witnessing felt good. Witnessing felt like being in the right container. What is the ultimate difference between the two? You could make the argument that witnessing is linked to talking, and a container requires consistent presence over time that can expand, if necessary, to hold the consciousness it is paired with.
Yes, I get upset when I don’t feel listened to, but in playing improv sitar, I recognized the divine revealing deep cosmic truths about my limitations when I noticed that my first response is to talk, talk, talk (playing primarily drut gat—fast composition). The drut gat is typically played with the right hand (solar; masculine) while the left hand (lunar; feminine) is in charge of finger dexterity for meends (pulling), gammak (vibrato/rapid-bending), and krintan (double-hammering), which really correlates to listening + sensual expression. I was able to work more with the left hand when I dropped the performance, really listened to the divine (the power of silence), and allowed myself to just be. That’s when it hit me: how can I expect a man in my field to listen to me, a woman, during a vulnerable time when that’s not something natural to me first when working with the masculine and feminine parts of myself?
That’s when the concept of containment clicked for me. Witnessing is cosmic data localized to the brain and is expressed primarily through speech.
Containment is witnessing that takes cosmic data and funnels it to the appropriate channels in the body to hold the space and is expressed globally. Containment requires the test of time, and we know how eager we can be for the quick wins.
When witnessing itself was so brand new, it’s no wonder that things ended up how they did: I was a bit too excited at the novelty of being perceived so lovingly and accurately that I didn’t let myself continue to test it over time through actions. This human didn’t fail in his actions overall, but ultimately, where it mattered, there was a breaking point where he couldn’t meet me in capacity, and I could’ve understood that sooner if I was really paying attention. I should have also been a container for him.
Accountability is a great tool 😉.
Divine Love & Performative Kink
I used to believe that by giving away my harrowing, dark life story of 24 years, that I would earn someone’s validation and trust in me. I felt like everyone was owed my story so that right off the bat, they knew how complex I was, how resilient I was, how ahead of the consciousness curve I was, how much healing work I had done, how intelligent I am, how open-hearted I choose to be no matter what, how much I don’t give up on my dreams, etc.
I’m getting so sick of this. Why do we owe anyone anything? Why can’t people understand that the inner architecture of your consciousness can be at god-level complexity based on your present day embodiment + the intricacy and eternal nature of your creations? The tendency of the collective is to be extremely entitled, and if they can’t nitpick every aspect of you, they will project their own experiences where there are gaps, and god forbid you are joyous, because that means you must be privileged, you must take advantage of people, you must not have gone through anything, or whatever else they come up with. People knowing my story is a privilege, a privilege that must be earned. I’ve had it the other way around this whole time.
I didn’t even realize I was doing this out of protection. It’s just so natural for me to be deep from day 1. Remember how I said witnessing could be more linked to talking? Remember how I originally linked depth to just expressed speech (in conversation)?
That was the problem.
Depth doesn’t have just one look.
Initially, when we get to know someone, there’s plenty of talking. However. When I only display my own depth via talking, and someone witnesses me (also talking), then paradoxically, the understanding of the depth remains shallow.
Law of Assumption. Whatever you assume to be true, becomes true. The people that need to get it, will get it.
Unconsciously, I was assuming that I needed to share my demonic childhood to obtain an appeal to ethos, pathos, and logos. Nobody asked me to do it. What if I turn law of assumption into my favor by being aware of it? What if I assume that the people that need to get it, get it?
What does that look like?
Embodied presence from the feminine side. (I’m speaking in terms of male-female romance, but this can applied anywhere, as it is all energetics)
I now know to just “be present” first.
Now that I’m aware of the “be present” template thanks to how well this ex-connection showed up, I’m able to act on it internally. No, I don’t have to tell you my darkest story. No, you don’t need my dirtiest secret. No, I’m not going to try to prove anything. I’m just going to express the depth of who I am, the story of my being, and the trajectory of my evolution through presence, not performance. Depth can be transmitted through your biofield, not just your words.
Whew. True freedom.
How does it show up though?
Once I’m grounded in presence, I let witnessing unfold gradually. I watch how consistency holds over time. Containment reveals itself in difficulty — and when it does, intimacy feels earned, not rushed. To some, this kind of steadiness feels uneventful. Without constant talking, without trauma bonding, without volatility, it can be mistaken for boredom. But what we often call boredom is simply a regulated nervous system unfamiliar with peace.
Peace and excitement are concepts applied outside of emotional compatibility.
Is sex happening just in the bedroom, or is it happening all the time? How does the peace of a relationship outside of the bedroom get applied inside the bedroom?
Oftentimes, we hear women wanting to be degraded sexually because they know how respectful their partners are, so degradation is pretend, it’s a fantasy. As someone many years ago who would identify her style as more BDSM, as I’ve evolved and done inner work on my psyche, my biases on intimacy, my polarities being wounded, and most importantly, being open to others’ styles, I’ve adopted more of a healthy, hybrid model of vanilla and sensual kink with the embodiment of a switch. Years ago, I demonized vanilla. I know differently now. Missionary, while one could make the argument that the stacking order dictates hierarchy, for me, it actually represents being equal and connected. Being one.
It is very important to let your partner show you who they are, where they’re at, what they’re comfortable with in their style. There is no boredom with your divine union, as learning = expansion of consciousness, and expansion of consciousness = expansion of the universe, and expansion of universe = limit DNE. Your divine partner and you should be learning together consistently.
Sexual polarity is not confined to the bedroom.
Erotic charge is heavily influenced by what happens outside the sexual moment:
Is there trust?
Is there emotional regulation?
Is there attentiveness?
Is there containment under stress?
Is there mutual choosing?
When those are absent, people often escalate intensity (rougher play, more novelty, more stimulation) to try to manufacture aliveness. However, let’s not ignore the reality where people are quite safe in their partnerships and might feel so safe, they can expand the edges of sensation because the mutual presence is just that calming.
Most relationships oscillate between:
high safety + low aliveness (comfort manifesting as boredom)
high aliveness + low safety (chemistry exclusively through chaos)
I choose the middle path. I don’t allow reality to give me only two choices. Exiting cycles = sovereignty. It is possible to have a lifelong relationship that has high safety AND high aliveness.
Submission isn’t giving up agency; it’s extreme trust. Technically, it’s the submissive in charge anyways. Dominance isn’t power or control, but rather, a capacity to hold intensity (which requires heavy responsibility).
The reason I took so well to this predominantly-vanilla dynamic is because the dominance and submission was not performative. For the first time in my life, I felt erotic charge outside of the bedroom in the most banal parts of existing with another being.
It’s easy (and common) to slip into performance in the bedroom, and no level of intensity seems to be enough. I used to think there was something wrong with me. There’s some void. There’s something itching that never seems to get scratched though the person gets dangerously close. In this newest experience, I don’t need to be asked who I belong to — it’s shown in the day-to-day. I don’t need to perform surrender or escalate sensation. Desire is communicated through consistent, sensual presence long before the bedroom.
I’ve always been a fan of the idea of body worship. Both parties displaying the deepest, most cosmic reverence for one another through their unique modalities of expression. Both parties submit to each other. Both parties demonstrate leadership to one another. Because both parties are able to submit to their vulnerabilities and exhibit leadership with their sensibilities within first. We are all gods coming into remembrance again, and being multidimensional with how we experience divine love opens us up to understanding nuance within our own consciousness. Endings are not failures, and learning to meet the edges of myself and see polarity in a healthy way has opened my mind to divine union being a real possibility, inspiring working on myself to magnetize calling in the right qualities.
Getting clear on the archetype I want to call in:
Erotically polarized but not sexist
Protective but not controlling
Devotional but not dogmatic
Grounded in the body and the mind
Masculine without fragility
Provider-minded without entitlement
Spiritually attuned without bypass
Scientifically literate and aware of other intelligences/sciences
Historically aware of patriarchy, power, and harm
Supportive of women’s autonomy and reproductive rights
Open to complexity rather than certainty
Enter Luxury Consciousness
Law of Assumption makes a return!
My lost connection happened during a 2 week period of rhinovirus + bronchitis which totally forced any work, connection, consumption, creation, etc., even with 0.00001% misalignment, to be kicked out. The performance dropped. During this time, so much gnosis and profoundly niche content around luxury and luxury consciousness appeared.
From TikTok, I was introduced to this sophisticated lady who spoke meticulously about luxury brand copywriting, and while her work is getting clients and helping their brands reach luxury status, her articulation can be transferred to a more general understanding of luxury. She mentioned a few things that stuck with me:
Luxury is about being encountered, and not consumed
Luxury doesn’t sell products, it sells states of consciousness/spells
Luxury operates on law of assumption: doesn't ask for permission on how to be, nor does it ask for a framework, doesn’t over-explain the behind-the-scenes process, it doesn’t justify its pricing, it just delivers results
Luxury is an identity, it isn’t something you work up to
Luxury strategy doesn’t go for community, it strives for leadership
From all of her words, I noticed one thing: sovereignty. It seems like a lot of these “ways of being” seem to actually represent what it means to be totally yourself without subconscious programming, societal pollution, self-doubt, performance, or going against your natural rhythms. Even if the output were extremely minimal (which might actually work in your favor), it doesn’t matter as long as your consciousness was at this high frequency and creations from that state were being transmitted. True luxury is your highest consciousness.
Laxmi = goddess of wealth, beauty, and abundance
Saraswati = goddess of articulation, the arts, music, education
One of my late sitar teacher’s last sentiments was “Laxmi and Saraswati are sisters that are always fighting”, so he was suggesting that wealth and the arts can never work together: you either sacrifice your soul for money or sacrifice a comfortable lifestyle to follow your dreams. Yeah, no way am I allowing reality to give me only two options again.
Wealth here is linked to pricing that the luxury brand or founder wants to place. How do you work with this when it’s entirely up to you?
The same answers we explored for romantic relationships also apply to luxury consciousness!
Simple answer is “whatever your nervous system can handle without retaliation or collapse” for pricing. You’d be surprised how much overlap neuroeconomics has with the psychology of how we accept the love we think we deserve. Before I continue, I’d like to share an upgraded way of looking at luxury consciousness:
Just because you can afford it, doesn’t mean you deserve it
Laxmi & Vishnu
Left: Vishnu, god of preservation, Right: Laxmi, goddess of wealth
In Hindu cosmology, there are no mistakes, and consciousness + cosmology are intertwined, so the divine marriage of Laxmi and Vishnu indicates that wealth is married to where preservation is consistent. Here, we will examine just the consciousness perspective. Of course, everything in the cosmos exists within a spectrum, so if you have the most toxic values preserved, you will be connected to the toxic version of Laxmi. If you have the most divine values preserved, you will have the divine version of Laxmi.
In our society, we see the greatest villains hoarding the most wealth. We start developing a terrible relationship with money. We believe that those who want money must be evil. We believe that being broke and suffering is a sign of virtue and integrity.
The result? As the current collective and its new members (children) get polluted with what is deemed “realistic”, the current value system (wealth) stays preserved. Sound familiar?
Like I’ve said before, I don’t care for whoever runs this show (reality) to give me only two options.
Surprise, surprise, witnessing vs. witnessing AND containing isn’t just consciousness for romance, but also applies to wealth.
Once again, just because you can afford it, doesn’t mean you deserve it. Provision is not just monetary. It’s not in relationships (ideally) and shouldn’t be for finances either. Up until this present moment, buying a Chanel bag or a Porsche has always been about the number in your bank account, and that’s it. The problem with modern-day value exchange is when we are just asking for money, we can’t be surprised when the only thing people strive for is money. Which is scary. If it’s just money you’re looking for, yeah, there’s many ways to find it, mainly unethical ways. We should ask ourselves:
How will that person represent us?
What will this person do with the information given to them?
Many can witness a rare object, even stand at the end of a line going out the door for it, but when they finally get a look, capacity gets exposed: they will just keep witnessing and witnessing…
Out of the witnessers, there will be a select few that could even afford this bag, but only one takes it home.
Just like there’s only one of that bag, there’s only one of you. You are the most precious wealth anything or anyone could have.
The effects of containment romantically have quite the overlap with the effects of preservation financially. There is a distinct difference though: we need more values imbued in containment beyond monetary success. That’s where Vishnu consciousness comes in. Containment is the physical form of the conceptual idea of preservation that still needs the rest of its story written. A container in a relationship will witness, put in the work to be mindful of what provisions the person they love/desire would require, and consistently (Vishnu consciousness here) to preserve the true wealth: the presence of their partner, their happiness and joy, their unfiltered expression, their raw sensuality, their vulnerability and honesty, their desire to grow with you, etc.
Examples of how you will know whether you are in a divine/devotional version of reality with romance and finances vs. performative:
Performative kink ↔ performative luxury
• porn-script sex / status-script consumption
• both are “look at me” without embodied devotion
• both escalate intensity because the core is missing: presence + reverence
Devotional sex ↔ devotional wealth
• devotion to sensation / devotion to craft
• reverence without entitlement
• receiving without collapsing into addiction
• giving without turning into martyrdom
Here’s where I’ve noticed myself get tripped up when it comes to discovering new things, independent research, new ideas, breaking down norms meant to delude us from the true realistic truth which is that nothing is truly unrealistic, etc.:
Why do people want to go viral? Why do they want validation from the masses? Why do they want the world to congratulate them on something they’ve done? Why do we get hurt when people don’t understand, or will even ridicule/be condescending towards our greenfield work and futuristic thinking? And what will they get in return from the vast majority of people? We need to start asking these questions before we sign up to be martyrs for a society who could care less what happens to us and could care less about improving conditions for themselves. This is the same society that glorifies celebrities, politicians, innovators, and thinkers AFTER they’ve achieved success and will buy all of their biographies to learn how to be just like them, when the same lesson keeps coming back: luxury consciousness and top 1% of success comes from dropping the performance and being your most authentic self, and that can never be replicated (luxury tip from the bullet points above: Luxury doesn't ask for permission on how to be, nor does it ask for a framework).
Let’s examine a normal distribution curve:
Most stabilize and choose the 68%-95% range
The top 1% of this curve isn’t climbing up a ladder of elitism, but it is embodying the highest percentage, and if we work with reality as inside-out, then that means being the 1% of ourselves inside, which is the highest version of ourselves. Our highest selves being reached requires an inwards approach rather than a vertical climb. The most efficient thing you can do is embody a truth so eternally, so elegantly, so powerfully, that your very existence is the contrast and naturally moves the collective’s baseline up without having to do constant convincing.
True luxury is total sovereignty and total sovereignty is god mode. You could argue that luxury consciousness = god consciousness, and the divine is a visionary before it is a logician, meaning visionary with art, music, writing, etc. True luxury is a state of consciousness paired with a 3d spacetime reality that a billionaire could never buy. Some things are so luxurious that they go beyond monetary wealth—it is consciousness wealth which provides the most VIP life experience. The meritocracy of that wealth is the consciousness that gets to access that spacetime reality. When you drop the performance, you tap into your highest frequency of being authentic where your existence is truly so unique, so you, that it could have only been you that witnessed it.
Predictability Models/Frameworks AND Working with Nonlinear Spacetime?
When everything becomes perfectly predictable, the system becomes informationally dead — in other words, bored.
In Romance:
Marriage timeline
Texting frequency rules
Defined roles
Sexual scripts
“If he does X, then it means Y”
In Wealth:
9–5 path
Retirement plan at 65
Degree → job → promotion ladder
Scarcity mindset
At best, predictability models are just nervous system regulation tools. We really don’t know anything at the end of the day.
Time travel is huge with wealth and romance. For both, we are constantly predicting the future and finding ways to guarantee outcomes. For both, we are biased on what happens now based on preservation/containment from the past. Debt is more wealth-specific, and sort of implies that we feel we will have more money in the future, so let’s borrow from that and use it in the now. We have to ask ourselves how sovereign are we in our decision making? Is it really about logic or is it about fear? Is it about living an honest life or is it about guaranteeing outcomes?
You know what the difference between being in control and being empowered is? Being in control is about doing everything you can to get a specific outcome. Being empowered is doing whatever you want (using discernment) regardless of the outcome.
Let’s be more empowered.
The truth is, the root of everything is in consciousness. Money? Luxury consciousness. Love? Divine union consciousness. Consciousness is fundamental and it is nonlinear. How are we trying to force something outside of linear spacetime into human-made linear constructs?
Why don’t we be more honest about what we want? We want stability. We want a foundation. But we also want to feel alive.
Informational death (total predictability/guaranteed outcomes) =
no novelty
no growth
no creative expansion
no nervous system stretch
Romantically, it’s when when people stop discovering each other. Fiscally, that’s when people stop creating and only preserve.
If a greenfield thinker never took a financial risk for their startup, they’d never know growth. If a partner never tried something new in their relationship, everything would flatline.
Ironically, if we would just live more in the now, if we would embody more presence, more sensuality, our past would have an opportunity to be what it truly is: the past, and our future would have an opportunity with reality itself to reorganize to meet us and build based off of who we are today, what makes us happy now, etc. It’s a huge disservice to the version of yourself 11 months from now if you plan everything a year in advance, because current you only knows so much. Each “current you”, with time, will understand more and more. Trust that.
Collapsing False Binaries: A Review
The system will manufacture false binaries and market them as inevitable polarities. Let’s go through a few:
Dominance = power; submission = weakness
Accountability = 100% self-sourcing, Irresponsible/lacking accountability = asking for help
The above two points go hand in hand. The middle path is conscious polarity via choice. Submission is deep trust and surrender by choice. Dominance is leadership, caretaking, loving with surrender to the person via putting the ego to the side. Sovereignty doesn’t mean 100% self-sourcing; it’s about knowing where the line is between independent evolution and time for external schooling. Knowing when to ask for support is the most responsible thing you can do. Knowing that complementary forces don’t mean inequality is the most liberating, anti-chronically online mindset you could have.
Passion/heart-centered = broke lifestyle, abandoning morals/operating from ego = lavish lifestyle
Scarcity mindset can come from ego, too. Also, consider who benefits from conscious individuals who are heart-centered believing that, in order to maintain this soul-level integrity, you must be constantly modest, humble, and broke. Wealth will do nothing but amplify your coherence.
Linear control vs. nonlinear chaos
Stability = boredom, unpredictability = aliveness
Plan your life with a split comfortable for your nervous system around adaptability and stability. Have unconditional love for the essence of life where love doesn’t only belong in places where everything is planned to a T. The unknowns of reality have a funny way of surprising us. I’m also sure you know of examples where someone did everything “right” and still got hit with a terrible affliction. Being so worried about the unpredictable is flirts with the edge of deep self-doubt at our inner ability to handle situations. Sometimes we can’t know how powerful and quick-thinking we are until the moment calls for it, and it doesn’t mean that that moment is going to be the darkest moment of our lives. The darkest thing is constantly living in fear.
Blissful ignorance vs. torturous awareness
Blissful awareness is possible (I live it often these days after 26 years — now 28 years old — doesn’t mean I don’t struggle. Actually, the struggles at this stage become subtler, meaning more intensely powerful in a way that’s arduous, almost esoteric, to nail, and I’m excited to integrate every time, after processing the darkness first, of course). Typically, that person is living in dharma, very aware of what’s within their control, very aware of nonlinear infinite cosmic intelligence, very aware of dangers and darkness, but most importantly, very aware of how to alchemize everything into their favor to embody the reality they so deeply want to see on the outside. Regulate your nervous system + increase capacity how you can before ingesting more information. Don’t be insufferable towards those who are happy. You don’t know what silent battles they fight. Don’t be hyper rigid in avoiding awareness as it will cause your collapse if you’re faced with uncomfortable truths.
What’s the lesson here? You can have it all. No one gets to decide what is realistic except you (and the cosmos with you). Remember, it’s not just about believing. You must turn this evolved mindset into action so you can see the false binaries collapsed in real time.
On Faith
Faith is a beautiful thing. Love and wealth need our faith to allow nonlinear cosmic intelligence to do its magic. Faith manifests as our consciousness, for the most part, being stabilized at the frequency of what we perceive as our highest selves at the time. When that’s not happening, our consciousness, our human task, our minds and bodies must transmute the darkness to integrate it for a more luminous light.
Faith also gets built over time, with faith. Very meta, I know. You can’t just claim to have faith, you must demonstrate it. Faith is best demonstrated when there isn’t a clear end in sight, you might be suffering from distortion of your consciousness, external environment is not so welcoming, and you still choose to believe in the highest good. Faith also isn’t perfect. It is totally okay to lose it at times, and sometimes, that loss enables a greater call to action within us (karma yoga) that helps stabilize faith where it most matters: within ourselves.
Neurologically + psychologically, if you know beliefs create your reality, then if you had to choose between
this is totally gonna work out for me
this is not gonna work out for me
Which one would you choose? For the black boxed information, you would choose the one that best works in your favor. So if you were to choose that all the time without having literal data in front of you, is that not faith? If people operated more in faith, they would feel more freedom in their lives. They wouldn't feel the need to control everything. They would just worry about the now. The other aspect that people deny is intuition as a legitimate biological + cosmic force, because you only need to hyper-control everything if your intuition/discernment are extremely low (unpracticed or damaged by what you consume). That's the proactive piece of faith, but what about the post-event remedy aspect of it? That's where I love the quote: “A bird sitting on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking, because its trust is not on the branch but on its own wings” by Charlie Wardle.
So maybe the core question at the end of all of this is how much do people trust themselves (specifically here in romance and finances)? Everything outside is a projection, but people place faith in something outside of themselves to validate the safety of their existence and how to make decisions. It all starts from faith on the inside.
How much faith do you have in yourself?