What I Learned About Accessing Protected Cosmic Data: The Great Cosmic Meritocracy & Choosing Love
For Shivoham Labs, I’m working on a coding project centered around vibration and consciousness, and considering I want to uplift collective consciousness by working with people and their struggles one at a time, I was wondering what happens when your consciousness expands and where do you notice it in the brain/body?
Stuck on this question, the divine gave me an opportunity to find the answer by giving me the following real life experience:
Recently, in addition to ALL the news, watching the hatred against the venerable monks on their Walk of Peace sparked a huge negative reaction from me when I watched hateful Christians yell about how they must repent, that they are demonic, and all the disrespectful interference of the walk with their message. As someone studying Nondual Shaiva Tantra (through lived experience now), I was reminded of my resentment towards how eastern spiritualities/indigenous wisdom offer so much to the world to heal and thrive, only to be demonized or worse by the ignorant. Wicked spirits become disturbed at the sign of unity consciousness. Hatred began to rise within me. I couldn’t sleep, eat, work, or smile, and even plant medicine wasn’t working — this suffering went on for 4 days. This was one of my deepest childhood traumas manifesting.
Not too long after, I was fortunate enough to come across seminarian and Texas State Representative James Talarico’s talk on “do you know people who love Jesus and nobody else?” Moved by his speech and love, tears rolled down my face. I became reminded that I could choose love because the divine was showing me this man who was also choosing love, coming from the same background I saw choosing hate. It’s always a choice people make. It was also quite uncanny how similar what we say is, just slightly different vocabulary. A cosmic truth is a cosmic truth. The heavy pain in my body from all the bad news hit a breaking point, which made me choose love out of pure surrender and wanting to release the hatred because my body simply could not take it anymore. Hatred is extremely heavy to carry. Shoutout to Talarico for helping me out with that.
The next day, today, January 11th, I was doing a cold plunge, and the ice cold water instantly helped fight off any internal negativity, stabilize my consciousness, find stillness, and allow the divine to enter my mind. The shock is a huge motivator to quickly get yourself together so you kinda have no choice. As we know, the secrets of the universe are revealed in stillness. I noticed a shock in my mind’s eye, too, and the visual of some cosmic portal gave me this message: Expansion isn’t localized to one area (the brain), it is EVERYWHERE where fractal patterns occur. In the cells, our breathing patterns, neuronal behavior, blood flow, heart rate, DNA, etc. Why? Because consciousness is everywhere and everything everywhere is performing a function and gets affected and responds. Once I had (1) chosen love even when it was extremely triggering and then (2) stabilized my consciousness, this is what the divine had to say:
(1) Everything in this universe since the beginning was created via the decision tree choosing between love and fear
This is still an interesting download to me, because, well, I’ve never heard it before. Seriously? EVERYTHING from the beginning of time was constantly choosing between love and fear? Even particles? What does it mean for a particle to “choose love”??? I’ve always known it to be about some random chaos in different directions until physical reality calcified and elements, galaxies, nebulae, etc. formed. I’m currently trying to get to the bottom of this…
Moving on. Heaven contains the set of all things that have chosen love, and densities of different spacetime dimensions represent different percentages of all minutiae things (all the way down to particles) that made their “decisions”, all amalgamated into that reality (“shell” which will be referenced later below), and the spectrum is heaven to hell.
Heaven and hell are not absolute states, as oscillation is the nature of the universe, so the contents of the containers of heaven and all dimensions until hell can change.
I guess you could say “those who choose love every time make it into heaven”. THIS is what “free will” in a spiritual sense has always been about, not about the free will of whether someone chooses XYZ as their savior. That “choice” to get you into heaven, is the choice of love, even more so magnified when it’s not easy. Every time I choose love, I learn a little bit more about god, or rather, god reveals itself more to me. Lately it’s felt like infinite intelligent cosmic consciousness and my human consciousness are merging into one. Which also begs the question, what’s the difference in the end? We are all one. It’s all about remembering that truth.
(2) The divine has great respect for us. We live in a consent-based cosmos, where our consent is given with our awareness. The divine awaits our “permission” (awareness) and then can act
I have one of my best friends, Charleston, to thank for this one. Once I released my art and philosophy TikTok (artwork shown below), a bone-chilling rush came over me almost indicating that this dark entity in the sky that I felt was always after me, ensuring I’d never choose magic and my dreams since I was a child, would soon come after me in flesh and on land. Speaking to Charleston, he believed it was my own doubt. At first, I felt shocked considering doubt PREVENTS us from taking action, doesn’t follow up after, but he mentioned that I must’ve done so much internal work that this final level of doubt is more subtle.
My first art piece of 2026: first time using oils + graphite pencils. Completed January 9, 2026. The removal of the colors from the gothic cathedral were intentional, as I view infinite consciousness as self-illuminating complete light which gets differentiated through prisms (creations/containers), resulting in a multiplicity of consciousness (rainbow of colors). The dreamy, bright colors everywhere indicate that the divine and infinite consciousness is not contained to just a cathedral, but rather, everywhere as god is everywhere in everything. Inspired by my passion for dark consciousness and its intersection of cosmology, a gothic cathedral was the perfect representation of the two. And who doesn’t love dark mountains and a psychedelic sky?
I never considered that possibility: “etheric doubt”. Huh. I also must add the context that I’ve recently started mixed martial arts, and we’ve been working with qi gong energy, which surely has been amplifying a lot of my energies or at the very least, making me hyperaware of every subtlety.
If I’ve done all the mental and somatic work to clear out subconscious programming, maybe there’s a portal from our unconscious mind to “the field” (infinite cosmic intelligence/consciousness), and states of mind/feelings perhaps work in layers, exhibiting different patterns, becoming more subtler the more “unconscious” it becomes? Could it be that this doubt that was unconscious could signal to “the field” to bring in darker, more negative consciousness? Like it’s some attractor basin?
I was claiming that this dark entity has always wanted to crush my spirit, through all sorts of abhorrent and inhumane behavior and abuse I endured for most of my life. This artwork is more than just a piece of pretty colors and fancy architecture: it’s a message to the world that I’m choosing my very first love I had as a child: visual art, drawing. Combining my highest intelligence (god-gifted inclination) operation + being spiritual, I must’ve opened a portal to the darkness at the deepest, yet subtlest level, so much so that it felt outside of me. (But then again, what’s really the difference in the end, even if it was outside of me? If it ends up becoming a part of me anyways?)
Perhaps all the negative conditioning and dehumanizing programming was doing its final cleanse.
The most intense cleanse comes from our most intense (meaning most authentic) offering to the divine (choosing our dreams from childhood).
That “awareness” that it could be something within is what set me free. Excellent work, Charleston! This whole time I thought some entity was chasing after me when it really there was an unconscious beacon being sent to the field that could attract darker energy, and that attraction is what I was picking up on and calling “a chase”. WOW!!!!
That “awareness” allowed me to act from a place of empowerment knowing that I’m in charge, not fear of something else in control chasing after me, and self-belief, which is self-love. Self-love is love after all, which is the language of god, which is what allows god to reveal itself.
Ah, I have now, not just read about, but truly experienced the essence of tantra! Tan = weave, tra = instrument, and when our instrument chooses love, we weave more of god consciousness into our consciousness. I guess I’m experiencing in real time how it works and maybe that’s because it’s knowledge that can never be known in the logical mind but experienced because this knowledge is protected. Know that this doesn’t come from a place of punishment, but rather, your consent on whether you want to know more. Consent comes from awareness. Awareness comes from acknowledgement. Acknowledgement comes from love.
(3) “Afterlife” is not what we think, just multiple dimensions based on multiple vibes
There isn’t an afterlife in the traditional sense taught in religion. Consciousness continues on. Where we are right now is a dimension that has an inversely proportional relationship between material reality density x consciousness frequency, and our death is not an end, but a passage! There’s no true before or after for ANYTHING, as that is an illusion that takes place when we are attached to human identity. Where we are in reality in the cosmos is based on our consciousness! We call upon heaven or hell, but first it starts as a consciousness state within.
Our current dimension is a spectrum of ethereal to material, so our reality in totality (I will refer to it as a shell to express boundary enforcement) is comprised of our consciousness manifesting as experience (ethereal) all the way to physical 3d reality on this planet (material). This spectrum comprises one “shell” of reality possible to experience in human form, so in order to explore other “shells” we must exist our shells, which is why some dimensions of reality won’t be experienced until after we leave this body.
(4) Our souls DESIRE TO remember they are god in the most expansive, in-depth ways
Our souls want to remember they are god in the most expansive ways which requires richness which means multiplicity / being multidimensional. To be god, we must be creators, but it’s not enough to be creators. Oh no no, we want to be the BEST creators.
Recently, I’ve gotten what you could call a spiritual music mentor. Shoutout Josh Brill. He has such a beautiful approach to learning music, starting with a root-cause spiritual understanding of sound.
My takeaways were: music is everywhere in this “field”, and we are the filter through which music expresses itself. Imagine notes, harmonies, sound, expressions, etc. just sort of floating around in infinity, looking for vessels to go into. How it expresses itself depends on the architecture within. If we want to be the best creators, we must have the best architecture within. To have the best architecture within, well, let’s go back to the gothic cathedral right? What’s so gorgeous about the work?
Nuance. Detail. Depth. Exploration of every sacred geometry. From ribbed vaults to rose windows, I guess my internal state of consciousness may have also been a beacon, to myself or something else is still something up to decide, but, it’s just now hitting me that tantra revealed its nature of how vibration precedes manifestation. First, the art piece was a vision in the mind, likely projected from my consciousness. Next, it was an actual art piece, so a combination of vibration meeting manifestation. Finally, it was the concept of gothic architecture manifesting in material reality: choosing divinity in dark consciousness (my 4 day suffering). Knowing the divine is everywhere, not just when the colors are pretty, but it is guiding you in the darkness, too. Wow. All along, I called it upon myself. And oddly enough, it almost felt like my consciousness “predicted” the future or rather “pulled in” the future.
Best creation comes from being the best vessel and the best one will have the most depth and most depth will come from many experiences, especially bad. In the darkest of dark, what takes you back to ascension is activating the heart. The more you activate the heart, the more you call in god. In a human being knowing itself as its highest self, it will come to realize that it’s not just about highest height, the highest self has the greatest window of tolerance in the nervous system to cater to a vast array of states of consciousness. The soul that wants to be the best creator will call upon the widest array of experiences. This is because god is infinite. To merge with god, the soul also wants to know the infinite. The soul knows the infinite through experience.
Is there a cosmological pull towards most efficient expansion rate for a soul? What benefit for asking for knowing different realities, in particular suffering? Maybe the desire to become pure god sooner/merge sooner (as above, so below). What determines this trajectory of the soul? Maybe a contract between the consciousness meant to fit in the human vessel and the rest of the consciousness outside of linear spacetime (fullest consciousness of a human being in its lifetime) plus the field’s consciousness/god?
I’m still working on understanding this download totally…
(5) Seek and ye shall find is very real, so be careful what you wish for, because the cosmos are always listening
After a certain point of doing independent research, there is a drop-off point in knowing, because knowing is in the logical mind, where the consciousness activated in your human architecture (brain-body-consciousness/soul matrix) is only the one localized to the brain.
Yes I was shown all this darkness, but in order to finish the job and integrate the wisdom for the purpose of metabolizing and transforming the demonic into divinity, it was ME who had to choose love. Otherwise the darkness would’ve consumed me (of course, not as a permanent state, but waking up is my choice).
How does seek and ye shall find work?
First, “seek”, your word creates new worlds. Never underestimate the power of the tongue. It is the first step to reality creation. If you are further along your aligned divine path, you will have a stronger symmetry between your consciousness and physical reality, giving the experience of synchronicities. One example of a synchronicity is seeing what you’ve expressed in words show up fairly rapidly in your world.
Second, “seek and ye shall”, your word, dependent upon your place in your god-aligned journey, your reality will begin to reflect your internal state, with some 3D lag. You will start witnessing this shift.
Third, “seek and ye shall find”, your interpretation of the situation paired with the choices you make determine what is revealed from the divine to you. It is always your choice. THIS is the meritocracy. THIS is the free will portion. What will you find? Well, it’s based on what you chose.
All a human being ever wants is freedom, and I think I’m finally understanding what it is. Of course, freedom has shown itself in multiple layers, but this feels like the final boss. Not worrying about what I’m “supposed to” do or “who to convince”, and instead aligning with who I’m meant to become. The rest will fall into place naturally. I know that sounds really basic, but it’s the basics that we as humans don’t master because it’s more important to “look” like we’re ascending, because we believe god is localized somewhere “out there” in the cosmos, when god is everywhere. It’s in the basics that we find the entire universe and its truths.
And to think…this all started with me asking the divine how consciousness expands and what it looks like to elevate. As the dark experience was happening, the entire time, I felt immense guilt for being distracted from my work and being bed-ridden. When I asked how consciousness expands, I was shown through a consciousness experience, and the meritocracy of finishing the lesson depends on that decision tree we talked about in point 1: will I choose love or fear? Wow. Because I’m guessing the knowledge for my independent research from here on out will be less logical and more experiential. Experience IS data. Lest I forget, the cosmos, the spirits, the divine, god, whatever you want to call it, being everywhere, is talking to us all the time. The question is, will you listen?