Meet the Founder

My name is Shivani Upadhayay.

For 24 years, I lived in a freeze state, enduring sexual, physical, and psychological abuse—numb to life, yet yearning for more. One phone call on March 31st, 2022, shattered everything I knew, marking the beginning of an irreversible transformation. My life was finally going to upgrade—something I had only dreamed of but never imagined could materialize. Yet, instead of feeling relief, my nervous system spiraled. I became a victim to the horrors of psychosis, depersonalization/derealization, hyperawareness OCD, and minor hallucinations—on top of lifelong CPTSD and juvenile myoclonic epilepsy.

Moving to Colorado felt like stepping into the heaven I had imagined as a child. But paradoxically, the beauty heightened my dysregulation—forcing me to confront the depths of my nervous system’s unraveling. Through co-regulating touch, my somatic therapist helped guide me back into my body.

This is where Shiva + Tantra’s power to rewire my body, mind, and soul found me. Through self-experimentation with tantric principles—bodywork, neurological shifts, and the evolution of consciousness—and my tantra mentor’s guidance, I found healing beyond the mind and body, bridging into the wisdom of the cosmos.

FAQs

  • Shivoham = I am Shiva

    Shiva = infinite cosmic consciousness

    A reminder for all of us to know we are beyond our mind, ego, and physical reality. We ARE quantum coherence.

    As far as the Labs? We rarely see engineering of the what, how, and why behind esoteric philosophies. Shivoham Labs aims to combine foundations of consciousness studies, tantric philosophy, quantum reality, cosmology, and ethical practices to re-engineer reality and wellness in the world.

  • Non-Dual Shaiva Tantra (Advaita Shaiva Tantra) is a philosophy that originated in Kashmir, India, teaching that Śiva (pure consciousness) and Śakti (divine energy) are one undivided reality. The universe itself is Śiva’s awareness in motion—a pulsation of divine energy known as Spanda. Unlike dualistic traditions, NDST asserts that liberation (moksha) is not about transcending the world, but realizing that everything—including oneself—is inherently divine.

    This tradition is rooted in the Śaiva Āgamas, the Śiva Sūtras, the Spandakārikā, and the framework of Śiva Tattvas. NDST integrates philosophy, meditation, subtle-body yoga, sensory awakening, and contemplation on reality itself as direct pathways to recognizing divinity in all things, ultimately leading to both worldly and spiritual liberation (jīvanmukti).

  • After decades of every member of society externalizing their self-concept, we have created a reality where we worship every re”source” outside of us: celebrities, politicians, even god itself. The Shivoham Revolution is to remind the collective that we are sovereign beings, to bring the hidden truth to light, to awaken us all. When each human operates in dharma, the very fabric of the cosmic web, we stitch all distortions and restore order and harmony to the cosmos.

    If dark forces cannot literally take away children in 3D material reality, they take away the child consciousness within us by betraying us and our dreams from a young age, programming us into believing what is “realistic” or “not realistic”. The divine resides in the heart, and you cannot spell heart without art. The divine is a visionary before it is a logician. In realizing the kingdom is within, we take back equity of spacetime reality and have a hand in rebuilding society for the people.

    Awareness is fundamental. Self-awareness is emergent. “Self” and “awareness” are co-creative elements, but when the self overtakes its 50%, we begin to separate from source/awareness. Recognition and reflection are tools meant to increase harmony, not to inflate ego. The creation of society today is predicated on endless cycles of ego. The goal isn’t to fight, but outcreate the system. It is time to return back to the divine.

  • Following my emergence out of and dissolution into Shunya (the void) model of the cosmos, the universal field of consciousness (Brahman) gives rise to all creations, meaning our soul is a finite fractal subset of the universal set.

  • Reality-Based Disorders™ is a term I coined to refer to psychiatric conditions where the core distress arises from questioning the nature of reality itself—leading to cognitive, perceptual, and existential distress.

    Symptoms may include:

    1. Hyperawareness & Existential Distress – Over-focusing on bodily functions (e.g., manual breathing, feeling one’s eyeballs) or thoughts about existence (e.g., “Am I real?” “Is this real?”).

    2. Memory Disruptions – Gaps in memory or an inability to trust past experiences.

    3. Time Perception Distortions – Feeling time is warped, slowed, or non-linear.

    4. Personality Fragmentation – Experiencing shifts in identity, sense of self, or emotional detachment.

    5. Sensory Distortions – Auditory or visual hallucinations, sensory detachment, or feeling “outside” of reality.

    6. Delusional Thinking – Firmly believing in unreal concepts while struggling to distinguish them from objective reality.

    These disorders blur the boundary between perception and truth, creating profound distress for those affected.

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