The Power of Sound: Seducing the Divine to Create New Realities
A Note on Language, Lineage, and Inner Dialogue
My primary philosophical home is Nondual Shaiva Tantra, although Jesus also appears throughout this essay as a profound expression of divine love within my lived spiritual experience.
I am not interested in conversion or in forcing cosmic mystery into the categories of an institution. I use Shiva, Jesus, Bhairavi, Saraswati, and the Divine as intimate languages through which I explore consciousness, creation, suffering, beauty, and love.
The dialogues in this essay did not occur as physical figures standing before me and speaking aloud. They arose through meditation, deep self-inquiry, surrender, and sustained attention to the emotional and somatic experience underneath my thoughts. I would sit with a question, feel its pain rather than immediately trying to solve it, and listen more than I spoke. Eventually, a response would emerge in a voice or archetypal form my consciousness could recognize.
My language and transmission comes from a unique filtered lens called my consciousness, so there isn’t a call to adopt my mechanism, but rather, see if what I share awakens something true within you.
The Divine Seduces Us First
A few weeks ago, I made a TikTok about how The Divine seduces us through the senses, especially through beauty and symmetry, drawing us into curiosity, intimacy, sensuality, and deeper self-inquiry. I also mention how this pursuit goes both ways.
This essay is in response to that TikTok. We learned about how The Divine seduces us, but can we seduce The Divine back? I don’t mean coercion or forming a transactional relationship, but by learning the “language” of the divine, which would require understanding its architecture and our entry point into it. Can we use this entry point to bring about independently created realities? Can we take back our power and have ownership of our own spacetime reality instead of life passively happening to us?
Perhaps we can call upon the divine realities we want by embodying the frequency of its consciousness.
Does Heaven Have a Sound?
If so, what does it sound like?
If you listen to creamy piano keys with glittery, sexy saxophone playing slowly, what happens?
I’m willing to bet that the sound created a sonic experience with you, which translated to imagination in your mind.
The combination of our imagination, our embodied experience, and the resulting consistency of emotions inspire action, or reality creation. The first step to engineering change “out there” starts with our filter “in here” and honoring the invisible.
In Shivoham Labs’ cosmology x consciousness framework, one of the core pillars is how articulation is responsible for creation, a familiar concept across multiple belief systems. Despite being passionately intimate connection with The Divine in my heart and writing my own model of the universe, I will encounter darkness levels beyond my understanding. As we expand our consciousness, we also expand capacity, which invites deeper battles to emerge to promote a deeper change.
Sometimes, these battles happen purely within, and sometimes, our self-sourcing runs so low and the without is so depraved that we find ourselves battling with The Divine.
(Divine) Lover’s Quarrel
When I was a wee lass, my mother told me in Hindi “when you have a deep relationship with God, you earn the right to fight with it”.
And boy has that been true recently.
[Content warning: mention of child SA, the next red block indicates when it’s over]
I was hearing about young girls captured in detention centers coming out pregnant, abuse of children on celebrity islands, child trafficking to promote pornography of minors on social media, exploitation of children in the entertainment industry all the way to a huge document being released of the most demonic, sinister activity on planet earth happening, once again, to children.
I was hearing about children praying to god to be saved when adults would dress up as their god and touch them.
Everyday, I was learning of a new way children, especially young girls, were being tortured and violated around the world, everyday, I was learning who else was also a p*edophile, and everyday, I was watching the collective turn towards nihilism, dark comedy, support this ideology in their own lives, or continue with their patterns of victimhood.
Mortified by this harrowing information, all I could ask was:
WHERE WERE YOU, GOD?
[Complete]
In this moment, just like my heart had been utterly shattered, I got extremely close to throwing and shattering my Shiva statue.
In my line of work, it gets scary, it gets dark, and I often cry myself to sleep, and I’m crying right now as I write this. Violating and harming children is a hell all too close to my heart, as it has been the majority of my childhood.
The darkness I experience in cosmic immersion isn’t what you’d think. Nothing about it is “edgy” or “cool”. It looks like depersonalization and derealization disorder, it looks like psychosis, it can feel like possession, your stomach will be in knots, your mind will twist, nothing will feel real except for darkness, the bone-chilling void, the ego, the life-force-taking power, the shame, the blood-curdling hopelessness. You so viscerally realize that even death isn’t an escape. You ask yourself questions like:
What if no one is coming to save you?
What if the real fear isn’t that this all ends when we die, but that it continues infinitely with no end of the concept of time in sight?
What if everything I’m doing is for nothing?
Everyone claims they want to understand nonduality until it comes to embodying it into their daily lives.
Everyone desires unity consciousness until it comes to convert desire into meaningful action.
Everyone wants a dreamy, childlike reality until someone shares their idea for a utopian future, and then they’re met with the debilitating criticism of not being realistic.
And in this darkness I felt with the cosmos, with this anger I felt towards God, I go into my meditation, deep into my unconscious psyche, and have to ask…
Shivani: “Where are you now?”
Shiva: “I’m everywhere. I’m with you.”
Shivani: “I am so angry, and you just SIT there in awareness all day, while all this injustice takes place.”
Shiva: “Shivani, the same thing that angers you is the same thing that angers me. Or did you forget Shivoham so easily? You asked me where I am—I’m in your tears. I’m in your angry voice. I’m the one speaking through you, you and I are one.”
Shivani: “WHY AM I DOING THIS ALONE?”
Shiva: “You have me with you. I want you to be strong. I want you to be precise. Anger breeds that sanctity to give you the confidence to believe in yourself. Nothing and no one else can do that for you. The same anger you feel looking at others who have forgotten Shivoham is the same disgust I feel about myself when I see aspects of my consciousness (in the universe) that is in a state of concealment or ignorance.”
After a period of silence, another insight emerged:
Shiva: “You said you wanted to have access to the things everyone else doesn’t, see what they overlook, experience what’s hidden, and made a wish to explore all aspects of the universe. Everything has a price. Greater perception often carries greater pain. Why are you upset when you got what you asked for?”
Shivani: “Okay, I understand. You’re right. I’m still upset, but I can’t deny that you’re right.”
Not too many days after, I had another rage-filled conversation with both Shiva and Jesus. This time, the trigger was noticing how potential collaborators weren’t recognizing the depth of what I was building or weren’t applying the wisdom within their own works, leaving me feeling like everything is shallow and transactional despite all the work I do for the cosmos.
Shiva: “It wasn’t us who necessarily pushed for these people to be with you, but your desire for validation believing that anyone outside of you could give you what you’re looking for.”
Shivani: “I want to progress, I want to see the world evolve, but when this happens, I feel so held back. It is really difficult for me to keep having faith. If this is how it’s going to be, I’d rather be an atheist and take matters into my own hands.”
Jesus: “Sometimes, it is this exact state of rage that pushes you to do what’s necessary. You’ve earned the right to be upset. You love God so much that you want to even hold God accountable. It’s sweet. Even if you went an atheistic route, it wouldn’t matter. Your natural state is obedience to God’s will (idk about the word “obedience” btw, I prefer “surrender” or “flow” but I let bro cook). All you would do is work harder on your divine purpose and make sure it changes the world, which is what obedience is. It’s your natural state. It makes you happy.”
Shivani: “…”
Shiva and Jesus (sorta): “We love you. We are always here. Even when you give us the silent treatment. But know that with great power comes great responsibility, so you are being asked to do what the most responsible person would have to do. It’s not meant to be easy.”
Shivani: “So I do it alone? I get that it’s not always easy, but does it have to be this damn difficult? I am at the end of my rope here.”
*silence*
About 30 minutes later, I get a phone call from a close friend I’ve known since childhood telling me she’s been feeling at the end of her own rope and how she would like to collaborate with me, applying frameworks of the universe. If there was anyone aligned with my morals and values, it was her. I was surprised. So quickly, when I mentioned my faith getting weak, when I mentioned wanting alignment, when I said I was at the end of my rope, something came in to hold me. After this phone call, other things started coming into alignment, which will be discussed in other posts, so I have softened, and better understood the experiential nature of co-creation with The Divine and what it truly means to be sovereign.
For my whole life, I felt I needed validation from people with greater followers, more celebrity status, links to particular institutions, hard science organizations, etc. to feel like I’m actually intelligent. For my whole life, peers, family members, and some teachers, would go out of their way to demoralize me and tell me I won’t amount to anything, won’t make it, that I don’t belong in math or science and should stick to communication, business, or something artistic.
The lesson here was: it was now time for me to see myself the way The Divine sees me: infinitely capable, infinitely intelligent, infinitely powerful, infinitely compassionate. Now, the tables turn: instead of me seeking validation from everyone, I’m now evaluating whether I want to work with someone, “prestigious” background or not—I call the shots.
Without the cosmos in my heart, the easiest, most mundane corporate task feels like a hellish, never-ending uphill battle. With the cosmos in my heart, even the most difficult theoretical cosmic equations will become the easiest to conceptualize.
Love is the most powerful force in the universe. Through love, we gain the strength to do the impossible.
Love showed in real life how it works in my personal endeavors, and now I wanted to learn how it operated in the cosmos.
Dimensions of the Universe
Below is the image from my cosmology framework, where I share a new holy trinity that was revealed to me:
The Divine’s
structure: that which gives the cosmic system form and architecture
power: manifest expression, dynamism
love: a state of “god” ranging from remembrance to ignorance, unity to separation, integration to fragmentation
These 3 forces create dimensions of the universe, where structure and power are consistent throughout the heavenly to hellish realms, but love, in the spectrum of remembrance to ignorance, is what creates the experiences from heavenly to hellish realms.
Figure 17: Dimensions of Reality System, Created in BioRender. Upadhayay, S. (2026) https://BioRender.com/2b4y5mm
Note: there are infinite “universes” you can create by capturing a system, going from a cell all the way to the entire material universe, but for our intents and purposes, we will address the main 3 from our vantage point: the material outer space universe, our body, and our mind.
Quite the dualistic representation of the cosmos, right? Light vs. dark, good vs. evil? So why would I, coming from a Nondual Shaiva Tantra philosophical background have this representation?
^I find that Nondual Shaiva Tantra helps understand the Divine’s power and structure, ranging from (1) to (2), but when we enter (2) beyond the skeleton and into material, we inevitably hit duality, and the first duality is even being aware of duality (shown below):
partial of Figure 11: First Duality, Created in BioRender. Upadhayay, S. (2026) https://BioRender.com/cm12r9m
If Nondual Shaiva Tantra is handling The Divine’s structure and power, then what is handling the love?
Jesus.
Now, this isn’t to say other belief systems, deities, or frameworks don’t value love, but this cosmology was birthed from my own Alpha and Omega being integrated, my own forgiveness of my own enemy archetype, my own love and acceptance of what was harming me the most in my childhood.
Rejecting religion’s, the church’s, and human beings’ representation of Jesus is essential to understanding Jesus. From MY understanding: He does not want religion. He doesn’t care what you’re doing in church (I mean, like, don’t do anything bad). He’s not accurately transmitted by humans. He just wants to know you and wants you to know him. Everything else is a distortion and a long game of telephone meant to push an egoic empire to control, harm, and cope. Through doing this, I learned that Jesus is a heart chakra deity and simply represents love. I would argue, especially at crucifixion, Jesus is the best representation of Nondual Shaiva Tantra in flesh form. In fact, it was Shiva who pointed me towards Jesus and told me I wouldn’t be complete in dissolving my karma of this lifetime without this relationship.
He was right: it would often be lonely to suffer extreme darkness and just know of Shiva as awareness, a destroyer, a cosmic consciousness, an entity beyond spacetime. I was craving a relationship that felt human, because I had to admit I wasn’t above the program of being human and needing love, something our society deems as “cringe”, “corny”, or straight up “not real”.
So if one of the first duality can be represented as love, unity, remembrance and Jesus Christ = love, then what is the opposite? Not love? Anti love? Not Jesus Christ? Maybe…the Antichrist? :D
So from Jesus Christ (heaven, love) to the Antichrist (hell, fear), we create the spectrum of experiences (with dualities), and with Nondual Shaiva Tantra, we have the supporting pillars and unifying principles of the very nature of reality.
So…here it is, then. I now feel complete having knowledge of both nonduality and duality.
Funny.
That seems to align with Shiva Sutras 1.2: “jñanam bandhah”: knowledge as bondage. My interpretation of this is that purely differentiated knowledge is bondage, purely undifferentiated knowledge is also bondage. True freedom from bondage, true nonduality, is the summation of nonduality and duality.
This is why I say “life is my research lab”, because The Divine uses me and my experiences to birth new insights and synthesize ideas.
Create Heaven For Yourself So You Can Create it for Others
Remember earlier how I mentioned we have 3 universes? You may be familiar with the principle that reality is inside out, so if we want to have the 3rd outer universe to be heaven, we need the first 2 universes to be heaven. In Hindu Cosmology, the universe is governed by 3 principles: creation (Brahma), preservation (Vishnu), and destruction (Shiva). These 3 principles cover phases of a single cycle (oscillation), which is the fundamental property of consciousness. They also exist in the mind and body.
In the minds of our universe, we have these 3 functions the decide the state of our internal universe. If you no longer think about that terrible friend from middle school, they are no longer in your universe, as they are not preserved. Thoughts are “created”, “preserved”, and “destroyed”, and depending upon how much sovereignty and healing we have, we are able to be the gods of our minds and even know when to shut it off.
In the body, we have granthis, a Tantric concept on psychic knots, which are karmic blockages in our energy channels. Specifically, we have Brahma, Vishnu, and Shiva granthis representing the cosmic forces of creation, preservation, and destruction, moving from Muladhara (root chakra) to Sahasrara (crown chakra).
When we have power over our minds and unlock our granthis, we empower our consciousness to move with flow and surrender with as little friction as possible to activate the Sahasrara Chakra.
The Sahasrara Chakra is the node that connects your inner universe to the outer universe, and as a result, the collective consciousness. If you are able to create heaven within your innerverse, you also create heaven for the outerverse. Suffering is not evidence of moral purity just like endless depletion is not the same as service. You cannot teach others what you yourself do not know. This false light is yet another way darkness attempts to work with people’s egos and display exhaustion and self-erasure as moral superiority, ensuring meaningful and joyful change doesn’t occur.
The Sahasrara Chakra is the meeting point where cosmic intelligence wants to realize its dreams through its unique expression, YOU.
So how can we create heaven within us and bring it to the planet?
The Power of Sound to Bring Heaven on Earth
What is the one thing consistent in the universe outside, your mind, and your body?
Oscillation, cycles, resonance, rhythmic patterning. Audible sound is one way the human body encounters that architecture.
Tara, my sitar, and I, have an interesting relationship where she wants me to play her, but I have self worth issues around how good I can actually be at honoring her and The Divine. For many months now, I’ve been seeing the silhouette of Shiva meditating as awareness glowing in her pumpkin (the big bowl-bottom area of a sitar). It felt like the cosmos wanted me to discover myself and solutions for the future through this instrument, but me being far too into my ego, no matter how spiritually advanced I was getting, would ignore this call, writing it off as too simple of a solution.
About a month ago, I was listening to a Shiva devotional mantra during a tough time. Here it is. While my eyes were closed in meditation with this tune, it suddenly hit me.
“I know the truth now. The purpose of my life is to praise god with the sitar.”
Whoa whoa whoa. Back up. What the hell is that religious language, Shivani? Yeah I get it, but here’s the thing: language that comes from channeling is often going to hit maximum impact of intention while minimizing effort made (words used), so that was the “easiest” way to convey the cosmic truth. Shivoham Labs’ work applies to every human, and I will never aim to fit into any category, not religious, not spiritual, not atheistic, but romantic.
What does it mean, then, to “praise god” in a neutral yet romantic sense?
Remember how I brought up the Sahasrara Chakra? That node should be activated. That node is also a note, a note playing in our uni-verse, one song, where we all contribute to the harmony of this cosmic symphony. When we are all operating in our highest intelligence, we are naturally “praising god”. You don’t need to sing bhajans or gospel music to allow infinite cosmic intelligence to work through you. An atheist who never speaks “God”’s name that’s meant to be a cartoon animator making dreamy cinema for kids would still be “praising god”, because they are honoring their hearts: the god within.
Our Body Is The First Instrument
During an altered-state experience around Father’s Day this year, I was carrying the exhaustion of deep work, low morale, and completing major tasks without anyone present to celebrate me or tell me they were proud. Everything happens alone, so I asked the “spirits” to understand that my desire isn’t to know about the expansion of the universe, f*** the math and science, who cares about what’s “out there”; I want to feel love “in here”, how a kid is supposed to feel if they have parents who actually love them instead of exploit, demoralize, and violate them, all while expecting them to perform perfectly. Sobbing, I released my intellectual expectations and asked the experience to show me what I most needed emotionally.
What a fun surprise. My first and biggest demon was my father, but who decided to show me miracles and love all that day was the Heavenly Father. Much of that experience was asked to remain private, but what I will share is during the comedown, I got a cosmic “zip file” (that I unzipped to share this) message stating how, even if I didn’t get involved with worldly systems or structures, the power of singing could help children in war zones.
I found this to be very strange. It’s singing, bro. How am I going to sing a song and change a life overseas?
I then remembered a listener from a New Year’s Eve gathering asking me, “Do you think Saraswati plays her veena to show off how talented she is, or to harmonize the field of consciousness for her children? You were being Saraswati.” in response to me playing, what I felt was mediocre, improv sitar.
Singing doesn’t literally stop a child from being exploited, but it might be harmonizing the deeper octave of reality, consciousness, causing reality to re-organize, inspiring novel action and change.
2 days later, I’m asking my sitar teacher, Will, how to go “beyond the curriculum” of what he gives me so I can learn to improv. In fact, many live performances are improv with the tabla player, so long as you understand the musical structure and “what the raga wants”. Roshanji (RIP) would always say we are not playing music, we are channeling what God wants. How can I know that? Will mentions the best way is to learn vocals.
Whoa.
I guess it makes sense? For context, I am learning Raag Bhairavi. If I want to know what Bhairavi wants, my knowledge cannot only be cerebral; I need to experience Bhairavi. If I sing the raga, then I’m engaging my heartbeat, my lungs, my brain, my cells, sound moving through the chambers of my organs and the space between, the vibration of my skull, and the systemic experience of Raag Bhairavi. In some ways, maybe singing Bhairavi helps me invoke Bhairavi’s consciousness within my body, and if I invoke Her consciousness, then I know how to channel her sound on the sitar. After all, the first instruments are our bodies.
I still didn’t know how to get started.
A couple days later, I’m demolished in my bed, weeping again about similar atrocities, but this time with the frustration that change takes time and people need help right now.
Shiva: “Play the sitar.”
Shivani: “What is wrong with you? What do you mean play the sitar? How is that going to do anything?”
Shiva: “You are not in the right state. You need to play the sitar.”
Shivani: “HOW IS THAT SUPPOSED TO HELP?”
Shiva: silence “Shivani…there is something that Raag Bhairavi can show you when you play it. Right now, you are not of sound mind. You need to play this raga so you can properly hear from Bhairavi what your next steps are. They should come from an aligned place, not a reactive place. And remember: Sa is King (Roshanji used to say this). Even if you just kept playing Sa, you would still be able to activate the truth. (My guess is Shiva said this because the sympathetic strings which reverberate with the main strings are tuned to Bhairavi, so the “vibe” is still present there).
Now, Shiva might be a little biased here, as his terrifying form is Bhairav, with His natural consort being Bhairavi.
A couple days ago, I decided to learn more about Goddess Bhairavi, one of the 10 Mahavidyas (Tantric goddesses). Pay close attention to the caption.
Goddess Bhairavi, in a ferocious form, wearing the severed heads of demons around her neck. She is the ruler of time and space, but mostly importantly, a fierce mother who protects Her children from injustices.
When I learned that Bhairavi is also seen as a fierce mother who wants to save children, it sent chills down my spine. Maybe Shiva wanted me to embody exactly the divine cosmic leadership archetype that saves children so I can be successful in my pursuits, rather than acting from a place of desperation, fear, chaotic rage, and hopelessness. Through Bhairavi, my rage can be sacred, precise, sharp, effective, and bring about justice in this world. The rage didn’t disappear; I was just shown a way to alchemize it.
Use Your Voice
“Shivani, do you think heaven is gonna be like High School Musical? Like I rap one verse, and your consciousness already just knows and completes the other freestyle? Are we just gonna sing all day in unison about the same things?”, Isaiah, one of my close friends from freshman year of college, asks in probably one of the most fun phone calls I’ve had with a friend in a while. We connected over how fluid language and singing are modalities by which higher dimensional beings would connect with The Divine. Perhaps a more unified mode of consciousness would require fewer sharply differentiated symbols because less meaning would be lost in translation.
Isaiah’s Christian background seemed to coincide with a lot of what I had intuited in my cosmology in regards to the heavenly realms, right underneath my Lokas System diagram:
This conversation was not too long after someone from my local astronomical society had taken a look at my cosmology and pointed out how I accidentally aligned with aspects of the Book of Job. Specifically:
“When the morning stars sang together, and all the sons of God shouted for joy?”
Take a look at some of my notes before I published my framework. These pages capture the model in an early intuitive stage, before I began systematically comparing it with existing philosophy, scripture, acoustics, and cosmology:
Describing how the “fullness” or “infinity-ness” of a Spherepoint’s sound would best be represented by a singing “a”
“Let there be light” demonstrated by levels of Vāk, where “light” evolves with each layer. The Vaikhari light, literal light, is self-realized by a singing “a”. I didn’t look this up. Much of this came from deep self-inquiry and deductive reasoning, my own gnosis.
Even while you’re reading this, you’re reading it in a voice, right? Is it my voice? Is it your voice? Does it matter? At a meta level, this essay is already participating in its own thesis: inspiring your consciousness to imagine heaven on Earth, understand how it might be created, and begin giving that possibility form through the power of your inner voice.
Listen. I’m not relying on some external deity to fly from the sky during some rapture or an alien race or a celebrity or politician to come save me. So I decided to listen to what the cosmos showed me through people and act on it. Tomorrow is my first meeting with a Hindustani vocalist to study Bhairavi. I’m going to save me in the best way I know how: by activating the kingdom within, with my voice, with the power of divine sound.
And so can you.
What does your heaven sound like?